Am I Laughing?

Sometimes you just feel so blessed. SO blessed that you need to write it down so you don't forget this moment in time.


Today Nate and I celebrate nine years married. That just seems huge to me. Nine years is a long time, and I don't feel old enough to have been married for nine years!! My mom asked me this morning if I can laugh about my wedding yet. Laugh about the fact that two weeks before our wedding day Nate called me from North Carolina to tell me he wasn't going to be at our wedding. I am not laughing yet. I really am not. It was honestly the saddest day of my life. I had planned. The flowers, the cake, my dress, my friends and family were all prepared to be in our wedding. The location. I mean just think on what you planned for your wedding and imagine it all crashing down. To say I was devastated doesn't even describe it. I don't laugh about it. It's not funny. However, I have learned from it. A lot. I have learned that a nice wedding does not make a nice marriage. That's not to say that people who have had nice weddings don't have wonderful marriages, but it is not about cake and flowers. At twenty years old I wanted the wedding. The fairy tale. God, did not give me those things. He needed my husband in a different place. He needed Nate to help pick up peoples lives. People who had lost everything they owned in Hurricane Katrina. He needed Nate to be brave, and be strong and leave the wedding he wanted to attend. God did not bless me with a big wedding, but he did bless me with a small one! On Tuesday October 4th we did get married. Outside next to the ocean, in a local park. Our wedding day was the first time we had seen each other in three months! It took all I had not to run down the isle! A lot of family and friends couldn't get the weekday off work or school, so our 202 person guest list became 60. We couldn't get the venu back for our reception so our dancing, and celebrating became lunch with family and friends. We didn't have time for a honey moon because Nate only had ten days leave, so our honeymoon became a night in a hotel in the mountains, and then a road trip to move into our new apartment in North Carolina. God didn't give me what I wanted, but he gave me what I needed. The knowledge that even with out a wedding we could still have a marriage. A perfect fairy tale marriage. Sure we have our ups and downs but we are a team. A great team! We are blessed beyond words. I am blessed beyond words. Right now the world seems to be falling apart. Terriost threats, disease threats, greed, anger, obsession with money. If I think about it to much it is completely over whelming and I honestly can't even move. The way I have found to cope is to take it one day at a time and count my blessings. My husband, our son, our home, our marriage. The fact that God gave me this knowledge to know that life isn't about things. It's not about flowers and cake. Those things will fade away. People will forget those things. Our marriage won't fade, and hopefully people won't forget us. 

So now that I've rambled on and on... My point is when I asked God to please change things and please let Nate come home in time for our perfect wedding, He said no. I however believe he was saying "no, kassy. You cannot have your fairy tale wedding. I have something to teach you that is going to allow you to appreciate your life so much, that you will think your whole life is a fairy tale." God is so good.